Soul Care Series: Below the Surface

Below the Surface: Protecting Emotional Health
by Angel Weasel, Dream City Church

The idea of maintaining our emotional health amidst a crisis implies that it existed in the first place. Sadly, the tragedy for too many leaders is that it took a global pandemic and nationwide shut down to get us to slow down long enough to give our mental and emotional health the attention that it warrants. For many of us the only time we address this aspect of our being is when a storm strong enough to rip through all of our good intentions reveals the emotional debris that’s been accumulating for weeks, months, sometimes even years. The daunting task of where to begin the journey to mental and emotional health now begins. 

As Christian leaders, emotional health is not a luxury, it is a necessity. There is no shortage of demands or needs vying for our time or energy. Not that this isn’t true for all leaders regardless of religious affiliation, but that as followers of Christ our lives should reflect the hope of the gospel that we profess.

Does it mean we won’t struggle, grieve, and experience feelings of sadness or fear? Of course not. Emotional health isn't reflected in the absence of those things but in how we choose to respond to them. Emotional health, much like physical and spiritual health, takes time and discipline. 

While there are many routes to take in the journey of mental and emotional health, a model with growing popularity — because of its simple yet effective nature — is the model of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is defined as our ability to recognize and understand our own emotions and the emotions of others, along with the ability to use that awareness to manage our behavior and relationships.

There are four skills involved in this process, which provide the framework for a linear progression towards emotional health. There are many resources available for growing in the area of emotional intelligence, but my hope is that a basic overview of the skills involved will motivate you to take your next step. 

Skills of Emotional Intelligence: 

#1 - Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness is the ability to accurately recognize and understand your own emotions and tendencies in the moment. Believe it or not, most people lack a healthy self-awareness. It is said that less that less than 36% of people can accurately identify their emotions in any given situation. This is the first step towards emotional health because until we are able to accurately recognize our own emotions we will never be able to effectively manage them. Being out of touch with your emotions doesn’t make them go away, it enslaves you to them.

#2 - Self-Management

Self-Management is the ability to use our awareness to regulate our emotional reactions to situations and people. The linear progression of these skills exists for a reason. Success in the previous skill will lend itself to success in subsequent skills. Evidence for this is found when we begin the discipline of self-management. It stands to reason that the only emotions that I can begin the process of regulating are the ones that I am aware of. The beloved Mr. Rogers put it best when he said, “Everything mentionable is manageable.”

The degree to which I am able to put a language to what I am feeling will, in large part, determine how much self-management I am actually capable of. Management is not about control, it’s not about denial, and it’s not about suppressing unwanted feelings. Management is about regulating. To regulate means to adjust to a certain standard to ensure accuracy of operation. Is it possible that the reason we see mental and emotional disorder on the rise year after year is because the standard that we are attempting to adjust to is not the standard that we were created for?

Romans 12:2 charges us to no longer conform to the patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. 

This is the biblical foundation of emotional intelligence. 

#3 - Social Awareness

Social Awareness is the ability to perceive what other people are thinking or feeling even if we are not thinking or feeling the same thing. Once again, the precedence of the necessary order of these skills is worth mentioning. When we try to become socially aware before we are first self-aware we don’t see others as they are, we see them as we are. Meaning, we don’t see others through the lens of their pain, we see them through the lens of our pain. The necessary skills of self-awareness and self-management proved the foundational health for our interactions with others. It’s a foundation that will grow as you grow.  

#4 - Relationship Management

Relationship Management is the ability to use an awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage your interactions successfully. If we’re being honest most of us have experienced or may currently be experiencing a relationship which we believe is the very cause of the emotional disorder in our lives but the truth of it is we are capable of successfully managing every single one of those relationships by way of emotional intelligence. Does that mean that we can control every relationship and the outcome of it? No, it doesn’t. What it means is that we can choose how we respond to those interactions and the emotions they generate and, by doing so, foster healthier relationships. 

While emotional intelligence is a trending concept right now, as men and women of God charged with the privilege of leading others, we should not be interested in any method of therapy or self-help that is not rooted in the foundation of God’s word. This is after all, our standard of measurement. The skills of emotional intelligence and the principles of scripture actually pair together to form a cohesive and reliable track to run on for those desiring to grow in their emotional health.  

For additional resources on Emotional Health, check out:

 

*Angel Weasel is a licensed counselor and serves on the staff of Dream Church, a Within Reach network partner. Her heart is to see everyone experience the freedom and life that God created them for.

 

 

 

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